My Phone’s Battery Is Trash

I am the proud owner of a very beautiful Iphone 6. I really like it. It takes fine pictures. It texts with great ease. It even can make or take an occasional call. But we’re going through a rough patch in our relationship and if it was possible to punch a phone battery I would.*

*Hubbard Radio-Wadena does not condone the use of violence on anything, inanimate or otherwise.

It’s honestly infuriating. I don’t mind dropped calls- just wait until you get service again and call back. I don’t mind data overage charges- they’re annoying but what can you do? Not do a Youtube deep dive on barbershop quartets? This battery thing is nuts. I might as well have a landline with how often I need to plug this stupid thing in!

I did, however, find something out kind of cool about my phone. Here’s how you can find out how dumb your battery is too:

Go to your settings and find “Battery”

Click on Battery Health

Finally, laugh uncontrollably at “Maximum Capacity” of your battery

That’s right. My phone’s battery is operating at 51% in it’s best untethered moments. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when your charge is down to 2%? Well that’s how I feel now when my battery says 40% because it’s actually 40% of 51! Do you know what 40% of 51 is? I do. I did the math. It’s 20%. When my phone is at 40%. I’m getting 20% usage. This thing is a boat anchor.

My favorite part is the first sentence of the final paragraph in that last picture. “Your battery’s health is significantly degraded.”

… thanks.

And for the record, as you can see in the first picture, when I started this my phone was at 69% and as I hit publish on this bad boy it’s now…

Any guess?




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